The Battle for My Mind, Body, and Soul: Choosing Spirit over the AntiChrist/Beast/AI

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:12

Because my de-conversion journey was so public, it only makes sense that I share my return to Spirit as publicly as I can. I want to shout from the rooftops. I was deceived and targeted, and almost destroyed, but something on the inside of me - woke up.

It has taken me 20+ years to awaken to the truth of my life and I’m grateful that I didn’t end my life before I could be shown by the Spirit of Truth 1) what I have survived and 2) my salvation and purpose going forward.

After years of programming and unintentionally worshipping the Demiurge/Saturn/Satan/Yahweh etc., I am publicly renouncing those beliefs and allegiances from the past to stand firmly in truth. I am a sovereign, eternal Spirit. My soul was here to be fed on and project creation for this bad copy of a matrix. The lies we are fed from birth are meant to separate us from this truth. The lies are meant for us to suffer and blame ourselves. The lies are meant for us to never come into the knowledge of who we really are, and instead, to choose death and an eternity in this Hell over real Life in a world beyond this holographic realm.

The battle for my soul started as early as the womb. I remember the night I realized that I lost my twin in the womb. I was watching the movie Replicas with my boyfriend and was struck and triggered by all the twin imagery. The premise of the movie is disturbing enough given the time we’re living in — a scientist breaks all ethics and tries to bring his family back from the dead using the process of soul transfer into AI robotic bodies. As I watched the movie, I felt more and more vulnerable. It was touching on something very deep within me related to twins, death and loss. That night, my boyfriend left in the middle of the night to go on a drive due to his insomnia. I always hated when he did this because I would wake up alone in the middle of the night and would feel panic about where he was. That night was particularly difficult because I was already triggered from the movie. The pain of abandonment and loss I felt waking up alone was almost unbearable. I could feel it all over my body and all I could do was open my mouth wide in a long, silent scream. I cried and cried. I frantically called and then waited for him to come back. I couldn’t explain why it hurt so much. The next day, I searched out my symptoms and was led by my Spirit to a website on Womb Twin Survivors. I read every word and cried. I felt seen and validated. I called my mom to get more details surrounding my birth and all the pieces came together. I had survived an abortion that happened six weeks before my mom was aware of her pregnancy with me. The abortion killed my twin, and I was left in the womb alone. My birth was fraught with issues including an unusual amount of blood and the fact that I wasn’t breathing. I survived the abortion, then I survived being born with a blocked airway. Unconsciously, I would reenact my survival story over and over in relationships with others and ultimately, feel anger and resentment for surviving.

My healing journey has mostly consisted of recovering and putting the pieces together of my lost childhood. Due to heavy dissociation, I practically had very little memories from age 5-17. I remember my therapist asking me to create a life timeline. I would become distressed over all the blanked out time periods. I couldn’t remember a thing. I’ve written poems and blogs over the years about the fragments that I could remember. With the help of my Spirit, my therapist, art therapy, and a revealing plant medicine trip, the picture started to reveal itself to me. My soul had been deeply hurt and captured by abuse. I was sexually molested from the age of 5 by a caregiver, and experienced covert incest as well. I was made to lie to others about what was happening and then began lying to myself. I spent much of my childhood to teen years in a consistent dissociative state escaping into the world of the internet, my own daydreams, and celebrity standom. All of this was my brain’s way of staying split off and numb to the truth of my childhood trauma.

As I wrote in my previous articles about my deconversion, the revelatory nature of this to myself brought up anger and confusion. As a life-long Christian, accepting Jesus at 7 years old, I felt betrayed by my life and suffering and wanted nothing to do with the God I believed caused it all. So, I rebelled, hard.

Without a religion holding me back, so I thought, I explored life with no limits. I partied while living on my own in DC. I slept with people I’d just met to longer-term friends with benefits. I got my first tattoo which led to 5 more. I took racy photos, bearing it all, reveling in my body and new-found confidence all in the name of self-love. I lost a close friend due to an inability to handle each other’s pain and to love unselfishly. I drank like a fish and smoked my way into oblivion. I filled my emptiness with whatever would help me feel, even if just for a moment. I also met beautiful people and explored astrology, tarot, and other forms of divination. As an empathetic person and a survivor, I’ve always felt different and these forms of divination helped affirm me and led me to want to hone my spiritual gifts.

In the Bay, I went wild in the best and worst ways. I explored the ins and outs of my sexuality. I could finally openly identify as bisexual and the lifestyle lit a fire in me. I remember my first sex party was at “Gaia’s Garden” and there, I met a Jesus-loving prayer warrior named Eve. I’m not kidding. I woke up to the scripted nature of this reality based on my own life experiences, synchronistic and full of symbolism/imagery meant to lead me back to a set path. I also deeply bonded with my boyfriend and we would go on to have a painful and heart-opening back-and-forth relationship. We celebrated 4 years together deprogramming from the matrix as of 2023. This free man and spirit also kept nudging me toward the light. I would cry and scream at him, I don’t believe in God anymore!!!! He would smile and then look in my eyes, yes…you do. And under it all, I did but I was still so angry with ~Him. I was really angry with the false God, the Demiurge.

Needless to say, I was super depressed this entire time. I wanted to die. The more I learned about my childhood, the memories that I recovered, the more my heart broke. And Satan, the Devil, Lucifer, Saturn, Demiurge - many many names and shapes shifted - was there the whole time cheering my rebellion on. I took a little too much shrooms one day and had an experience that sent me straight into the FALSE light. I cried and said I didn’t want to go to hell. I also said that I thought that I had to see the dark side because I wasn’t sure if “we” would “win.” All of this was coming from my mouth from a dissociated place while I watched a magenta colored spirit body writhe and struggle in pain on my bedroom wall. That experience helped me atleast grasp and see that the spirit world is REAL. I have a soul - contrary to the materialist athiests I was listening to. And, my soul was struggling. This led me straight into the New Age. I didn’t want to be a “Christian,” and I was enamored by my own power and abilities. I bought cards and resonated with the idea of being a “star seed.” It made sense to me, again going back to feeling different due to the trauma I went through.

Everything in my life started to ramp up spiritually. I could hear voices, I was seeing repeating numbers, and life was super synchronistic. I remember having several sleep paralysis episodes where I could hear in my mind, “I am a clear channel.” Not knowing what that meant at the time, but the presence of spirits around me and them trying to enter my body was obvious. All the New Age material I found and people I talked to at the time treated these situations as if they were normal and told me all the positive things about talking to my “guides” and hearing from “angels.” This time was so accelerated and blurred. I was led to dress more colorfully and wear pastel hair. I got sucked into “Ascension” talk and 5D and Dimension Wars. I even joined a galactic history course and cried as they talked about souls being recycled for years and years. It felt familiar. There was a lot of Truth in these communities, and a lot of lies. I feel like I popped in and out of several cult-like groups searching for truth and answers. The veil on this world was lifting for me and FAST. I could see the evil in this world already, that’s why I was depressed and ready to leave. I've dedicated my life to social justice for that very reason but this was next level. I could finally see the actual magick and sorcery happening behind the scenes, levels and levels of secret societies and their connections to mind control and programming, and I could see just how lied to I was….about everything. My expensive education was a lie and farce as well. Everything that I’d been programmed to believe was falling apart in front of my eyes. What I experienced and what God began showing me in dreams revealed the truth that I’d been spiritually dead. I could not see this world for the hell that it is, all the demons are here and they are in every religion, every classroom, and every philosophy just waiting to lure people away from the Truth. The satanism/saturnism/demiurge worship that rules this world was ruling my mind, body and soul.

I tried to put on a happy face for the world but my inner life and private life were in shambles. My boyfriend had manipulative and narcissistic tendencies. However, I covertly had been the same way and so he was only a reflection of who I didn’t want to admit was my own shadow. The more I tried to break away from him and the new age beliefs I had adopted, the more spiritual warfare I experienced. I couldn’t sleep, my mind was tormented with violent images and voices. Through all of it, there were still signs and people in my life that would try to pull me toward the light, but it had to be my decision.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. Revelation 3:20

I got in a car accident toward the end of 2020 that felt like an intense wake-up call for my life. The night before the accident, I had a dream where I was in a hotel event hall and the singer that was supposed to be there cancelled. They needed someone to sing “Say Yes” the song that says When Jesus say Yes nobody can say No, everyone around me kept telling me to Say Yes. I was afraid and hesitating. I’m not sure what I said, but I woke up and had an amazing day outside of the accident that shifted everything. I was and am still recovering from being the walking dead, but my Spirit has awakened. She’s never left me and has been showing me that it is not too late for me to turn around and leave this matrix as a WHOLE being.

I was led to start reading the Bible again and it felt so fresh. I could see it with new eyes and context. Jesus’ words hit different.

After so much pain, I’m hobbling forward in this hell world to say that when I wasn’t following the gnostic Jesus’ way (the REAL Jesus, not the antichrist spirit that is gaining popularity right now — I’ll write more about that in future blogs), I was in darkness. I was dead. I was blind. I could not see the deception that is everywhere. This “pandemic” has exposed every false institution in this world, but scarily people are falling right in line to their own destruction and slavery. I hope you awaken what is happening because none of what we see in the news and tv can be trusted. This matrix wants your soul and will stop at nothing to get it. When I was in the New Age, the Demiurge planned for me to be some kind of false prophet preaching love and light and high vibrations and ignoring the evil happening to children behind closed doors. When I was in an abusive relationship drinking my life way, Demiurge wanted me to die that way and be recycled here again. When I was a raging feminist and seething constantly about climate change and useless population growth, Demiurge wanted me to double down and spiritually align with the dark forces that rule this matrix and are behind the deception of the lockdowns and nanotech-filled skies, foods and medicines. Demiurge wants us feeding it energy or it wants us dead, physically and spiritually. I know this now from lived experience and want to share my story so others will see. If you are truth seeking and confused by this world, there’s nothing wrong with you. You have a beautiful identity and golden Spirit being, and I’m writing this to tell the matrix, I know who I am now.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

I am being transformed and stripped in this battle for my soul, all is well because I WILL leave this matrix and never come back. I’m not telling people to jump into a religion. Please don’t. Go within yourself. Detach from this hell matrix. Christianity as its been advertised and projected is a bastardization of what it means to truly gain gnosis of Christ. All I ask is for you to keep an open mind and heart and go within. Even when I stopped believing, my Spirit never left me.

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

Much more to come!