My Deconversion Story Continued: Mushroom Jesus
Lifting the Veil
“The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.”
― James Baldwin
2020 was the year I woke up completely
Before you dismiss what I say as a conspiracy
Just know I speak from experiencing this personally
So here is my journey of lifting the veil
because not everyone has lived long enough to tell the tale
One of my biggest triggers is a deep dark secret
especially small groups of people in power trying to keep it
and it wasn’t until the whole world stopped in its tracks
that I was able to see the Truth behind all the cracks
Cracks in the facade are what brought me back to God
But before I get to how this all gets spiritual
I have to ground us back deep in the physical
We were told a novel virus was suddenly going around
so everything, EVERYTHING had to shut down
for me the shelter in place started okay
I was depressed and needed to slow down anyway
And as a leftist at the time
I was glad at what it exposed
the long work hours and commutes, racism in health care
all the oppression and especially capitalism
it all had to go
I was an athiest unpacking my trauma
no contact with my dad, barely speaking to my mama
I was trying to escape this world in any way I could
feeling empty, drinking everyday, tons of weed — shoutout backwoods
I wanted to die
I had never vibrated so low
so I clung to my partner
netflix, chill, eat, drink repeat
anything to stay afloat ~
Drugs were the next thing that kept me going
helped me turn my brain off so my own cracks weren’t showing
I tried coke, molly, thizz pills, and then the magic mushroom
I’ll never forget how I felt all those days stuck in my room
April 2020 I texted my best friends
“Shrooms cured my depression!”
Then I explained my trip
what it did for me was give me an extraordinary gift
clarity, finally I was able to see
that had been hidden so long by this 5-sense 3D reality
yep, i saw what this world really is
I saw that we’ve been living within a matrix
Before this I was convinced the world was solid
and that mainstream science had basically already solved it
but as the world literally breathed with me that day
I knew I was experiencing something that wasn’t going away
As my sense of who I am drifted off
I felt that the core of me, the real “me” is extremely SOFT
mindful, loving, just goes with the flow
all this time I had been experiencing life through a created, false ego
So once it wore off, I wasn’t the same
I dug deeper, devoured more research to learn about the brain
what I learned was about where spirit and science meet
it’s consciousness, the basis of who we ALL are underneath
Mainstream science says consciousness ends with the brain
But near death experiences and my spirit says that can’t be
for as long as I can remember I’ve been able to leave my body
and those memories of dissociation lead me back to what needed to heal inside me
So I ate from the magic mushroom again
and I didn’t know at the time if I had a goal
either way I got to witness a battle
a battle over the polarity of my soul
I saw a magenta washed struggle on the wall
at the time I thought it was Jesus some time after the fall
however its getting clearer to me
that what I saw was childhood fears stuck in my subconscious
begging to be released
I cried and said, “I don’t want to go to hell!”
The words were coming from someone inside me I’d forgotten about, I couldn’t tell
then I said, “I didn’t know if we could win!”
It’s like something inside me knew I didn’t want to incarnate again
In that moment I chose the light
then the body struggling on the wall stopped trying to fight
I saw it rise triumphant with wings spread wide
It was so beautiful and told me not to hide
Since then its been an accelerated road to awakening
my spirit feels lighter and the sun is shining
I’ve been divinely led to all kinds of knowledge
and dots are connecting from my experiences in college
I’m no longer fully invested in this 3D illusion
not when I know there are dark powers in collusion
warring to keep humans from their right to ascension
doing everything they can to trap us in this dimension
So here’s my message to each and all of you
THERE’S ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU
IT’S JUST THAT WE’VE BEEN INTENTIONALLY LIED TO
Nothing about this reality is what it seems
because they’re trying to hid that we’re multidimensional beings
we are souls having a human experience
and they know what would happen if that thought gained traction
so we are purposely divided and broadcasted distraction after distraction
Anything to forget that WE ARE ONE
all from the same Source of pure LOVE
never meant for hierarchies where other humans are put above
we are so much stronger together
but first we have to break free of the lies and
vibrate higher and better
Basically I’m much more in tune with my soul
but I had to unplug from so much intentional mind control
they control us with fear, shame, hatred, and lies
banking on how long they’ve succeeded while in disguise
so let me be clear, we are not alone
and I’m not just talking about the FBI tapping our phone
I mean we are surrounded by light beings that want humanity to do well
but there are also beings of the other polarity that make life hell
Those are the ones that control this world now
and it would take some time to explain all the ways how
just know that they do a lot of their work through numbers and symbols
and they get us brainwashed while we’re young and our minds are nimble
so how do I know this? well the answer is simple
when you’ve been indoctrinated the way I have from birth
you spend your life deprogramming
and with a sense of living over my 27 years of life as multiple people
SPLIT, CRACK , THE MIRROR IS SHATTERED
I grew up deep in Christianity
in church every wednesday, thursday, saturday, sunday
it was the main way I kept my sanity
accepted Jesus at age 7, stayed on my knees to pray
Only christian schools for my foundational years
isolated from my peers
so distinctions of good and bad, heaven and hell
couldn’t help but sink in to my innocent ears
it wasn’t really until after law school that my beliefs switched gears
You see my brain had protected me all through my childhood
so my memories were fragmented
I had no real point of reference of what was normal
so I assumed my life had been atleast mostly good
but the Truth came out in the ways I suppressed my emotions
my negative inner self talk
and my platonic and romantic relations
I could be so self centered
and I lied all the time
No one was allowed in to my core true self
or else I’d be found out
as if being traumatized and trying to survive
was a crime
So I hid the parts of me that felt so ugly
and only those closest to me
got glimpses of what was underneath
I lashed out at my siblings
my besties and men as a whole
when really I needed to cry and grieve for my
wounded, childlike soul
When I moved out of state to DC
there was no one left to hide behind
there was truly only me
I still tried to fill the space with sex, drugs, and wine
I had my first big girl job
and I had learned well from my parents to present on the surface as
“everything is fine”
I had to hit my rock bottom to will myself to therapy
I had contracted STIs and had pain so deep
asked around and found my therapist I would see for over 2 years
she helped me feel safe to release my fears
before it was tough to really cry, now I couldn’t stop the tears
I had a part of me that was stuck at 8 years old
that girl was suffering from the lies she was told
everything is fine, just look the other way
Daddy is yelling at Mommy about her sucking someone’s dick
Mommy is crying because Daddy can’t be around kids
Daddy hurt my teenage babysitter
Daddy hurt my friend’s older sister
Daddy hurt me in ways that were violating
and that’s what the walls of amnesia had tried so hard protecting
As I tried to heal what was revealed I cut my parents both off
then began to point the finger at everything that felt off
GOD, WHY WEREN’T YOU THERE TO PROTECT ME
WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG FOR ME TO SEE
WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT PAIN AND SUFFERING
At the time all I heard was silent, I didn’t feel love,
I didn’t feel
anything
I now know that these depressing times
were the dark night of the soul
it was so hard to reconcile all these life events and revelations outside of my control
Then I moved to the bay
for a fresh start
and encountered brand new ways
to break open my heart
I fell in love with my baby cousins
laughed and enjoyed friends and looked for future husbands
spent nights with my Gramps getting drunk in the Castro
made mistakes and isolated myself too as a way to cope
I didn’t even know why exactly I was running
I was triggered by cycles of dysfunction that still existed around me
I felt being alone was the only way to find peace
Oakland is where I found space to just be
I was able to come out of my shell and live with other bisexual babies
in this time I took a break from work
and explored the City and the Town on my own
I found bliss in the "lifestyle”
and found a play partner who could do more than just make me moan
He made me laugh and remember to not be so serious
to sin and not repent
he also triggered the fuck out of me
I still could be so codependent
Being with him opened my eyes to the beauty of non-monogamy
especially as I explored real life relationships with women
beyond just watching lesbian pornography
I experienced high highs
and was not always sober
I clung to this man
because without him I thought my life was over
and it’s true that’s how I really felt inside
I didn’t tell anyone that this love had saved me
over and over from committing suicide
I didn’t feel like anyone understood
all they saw was me as a victim
but the Truth is so much more nuanced
and can’t all be blamed on actions by him
Two imperfect humans trying to love
with no real model of what that is even made of
my heart shattered as he crossed a 3D relationship boundary
slept with another person without my permission
what hurt the most were the secrets, lies, and the negative intention
if there’s anything about life that I have to mention
it’s that detaching/letting go/letting life happen
IS MY HARDEST LESSON
My need to hold on hurt angels in my life
things look different though from the fifth dimensional side
all of this needed to happen for me to truly awaken
because real love can’t exist with all the fakin’
MY EGO NEEDED TO DIE FOR ME TO ASCEND
IT’S WILD HOW BEGINNINGS CAN COME DISGUISED AS AN END
So I tore off the ego mask that had been suffocating me
then experienced my true self
along with synchronicity after synchronicity
my intuition and third eye is becoming so clear and strong
they helped me connect the dots
as to why something has always felt wrong
I internalized it for so long and thought it was me
when the Truth has always been pointing at this low vibrational society
sucked in and controlled by manufactured fear
but thankfully my guides tell me the end of this world is near
We are being awakened to what is really going on
it’s never been about a virus or gender or race or class or other means of social control
THIS IS TRULY A BATTLE FOR HUMANITY’S COLLECTIVE SOUL
Will we bow down to every distraction we see on TV
or will we turn away and experience what it means to be free?
unplug from mass consciousness, go within
divest from the state, go within
kill your ego, go within
protect and embrace nature, go within
believe the Truth, go within
choose your true self, go within
discover healing and wholeness by going within
Because we are ONE
all it takes is a group of us together
once enough of us choose this path
ascension, true peace on earth is the inevitable aftermath
